Do Better Read online

  PRAISE FOR

  “Do Better is a clear, powerful, direct, wise, and extremely helpful treatise on how to combat and heal from the ubiquitous violence of white supremacy. Using a voice that is both passionate and compassionate, Rachel Ricketts instructs where necessary and soothes when needed—but never flinches from the urgency of the mission at hand. These pages are meant not merely to be read, but to be studied, workshopped, and put into daily practice. I would recommend Do Better to anybody who wishes to live a life of higher consciousness and humanity. She has offered up an exceedingly valuable resource to a tired, troubled (and all too often delusional) world. This is a book we all need.”

  —Elizabeth Gilbert, New York Times bestselling author of Eat Pray Love

  “Holy Healing! What Rachel Ricketts offers the world in Do Better is a healing balm for a society that has long needed a new perspective and approach to an ancient problem that has been ignored, denied, unaddressed, and unhealed. Do Better answers prayers that many have prayed. Do Better offers a bold possibility for change and healing. Do Better offers a deeply sacred choice that we must all make at such a time as this.”

  —Iyanla Vanzant, New York Times bestselling author and host of Iyanla, Fix My Life

  “Through love, rage, and humor, Rachel Ricketts both challenges and inspires us all (but especially us white cis women) to turn anti-racist work into a daily practice; to sit in the discomfort of the violence we have perpetrated, and turn that discomfort into action. This book is absolutely essential reading.”

  —Zoe Lister-Jones, actress, producer, and director

  “Rachel’s book is a powerful and beautiful example of sharing herself from a deeply heart-centered place.… If you, like me, are ready to stop talking and start listening and really take the time to understand, this is the book you MUST read. Thank you Rachel for taking the time to write this incredible book. It was life changing to read.”

  —Rumer Willis, actress and singer

  “Do Better is a much-needed addition to any spiritual person’s anti-racism toolkit. This book not only opens the door to anti-racism work, but gives you the tools to walk through it. Rachel has created an engaging, inspiring, and practical resource that you will return to time and again.”

  —Jessica Lanyadoo, host of Ghost of a Podcast and author of Astrology for Real Relationships

  “This is the book we’ve been waiting for. Wow… This is the book that will change lives, if you allow it. A must read and do!”

  —Monique Melton, anti-racism educator

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  This is for my mother, Suzette, and Uncle Carlton.

  For my ancestors, who so often went unheard with hearts unhealed.

  And for every Black girl+ who has ever felt they didn’t belong.

  May we all find freedom.

  INTRODUCTION

  My Love Includes Anger

  What I hope to do all the time is to be so completely myself… that my audiences and even people who meet me are confronted… with what I am inside and out, as honest as I can be. And this way they have to see things about themselves…

  —NINA SIMONE

  We are living in entirely uncertain times. Our politics are increasingly divided with no reassuring route for recourse. As I write this the world is in a standstill to combat the worst global pandemic since 1918. Cities are on fire in all fifty states and folx of all races have taken to the streets around the globe in an uprising led by Black folx in the quest for Black, and thus collective, liberation. The systems of inequity that have persisted and been protected for centuries are being exacerbated, and the stillness forced by global quarantine has meant many are no longer able to turn away. White people have finally awakened to white supremacy and anti-Blackness in a way they refused to before. The things many of you were privileged enough to once take for granted are slipping from your fingers and shit is scary. Our personal and collective grief is palpable. Things are and will continue to be chaotic, and increasingly so. But amidst all this chaos and uncertainty is an opportunity. The oppressive systems and institutions as we once knew them are slowly beginning to crumble. Everything is being burned to the ground so that we as a collective can rise renewed. We are being summoned to the inner, spiritual work that revolution requires. Some are calling it the end of everything that never worked right in the first place—and it is. Though these systems were created to work exactly as designed, because they benefit their creators. Those with the most power and privilege. To overthrow them we must all take a long look in the mirror to deal with the hard shit. And this is a book all about the hard shit! White supremacy, heteropatriarchy, grief, oppression, and more. This is also a book about my interactions with the hard shit. I write what I know best, which is my experience—both personal and professional in equal measure.

  My name is Rachel Ricketts (hayyy!), and my pronouns are she/her/hers. I am a Black, queer, cisgender, non-disabled, neurotypical, Canadian-born woman with ancestors of West African, Jamaican, Indian, Jewish, Portuguese, western European, and Taíno descent. I grew up Black and financially insecure in mostly white and wealthy spaces, and have spent a lifetime navigating intersecting systems of oppression. Though I am a trained racial justice educator, attorney, grief coach, and spiritual activist by profession, this work is personal. Because the most grief I have ever endured, and will continue to, is at the hands of white supremacy. This grief has rooted within me an overflowing reservoir of love and gratitude as well as an unwavering fire of righteous rage deep inside my bones and belly. Love and anger. With good damn reason: white supremacy murdered my mother. It was after my mother’s death that I rededicated my life to the work of fighting racial injustice. In her honor and mine.

  Though I was born with my third eye open, my deep connection to Spirit intensified after helping my mother die, equipping me with the tools to help heal my heart and hold space for others to do the same. It led me to create my Spiritual Activism workshops—potent racial justice seminars that fuse spiritual-based soulcare with embodied anti-racism education so we can learn to tolerate the challenging emotions that arise when we address oppression. This book is an extension of my workshops blending my lifetime of personal experience navigating white supremacy with my soulful anti-racist teachings to create an accessible and relatable guide for all those ready to fight for a more equitable world in which everyone, most notably Black and Indigenous women+, can finally find freedom.

  WHITE SUPREMACY HARMS US ALL

  White supremacy is the status quo. It causes one of the greatest forms of systemic social trauma on the planet, inciting grief, guilt, loss, pain, anger, and shame. For everyone. Racism mires BI&PoC in emotional and physical violence, and, in order to perpetuate the oppression of others deemed “less than,” it robs white folx of inner peace and meaningful connection to themselves and others.

  For my fellow folx of the global majority, including the mixed-race folx and especially my fellow Black and Indigenous women+, addressing our internalized oppression is where we most get stuck. We’ve endured centuries of institutionalized discrimination. Of shittier housing, education, pay, job opportunities, health care, access to justice, etc., not to mention slavery, dehumxnization, intergenerational trauma, emotional violence, and constant reminders that we’re “less than” because we don’t belong to whiteness. We
keep quiet and code switch in order to keep white people comfortable at the expense of our own well-being. Our anti-racist work is unplugging from whiteness and reclaiming our power.

  For my white or white-passing friends, internalizing dominance and privilege results in a disconnection between head and heart. White supremacy requires you to cut yourself off from meaningful connection with yourself and others. The most pertinent thing you all can do to dismantle racist systems is first address your own personal racism (not just the racism “out there”), the ways you inherently perpetuate white supremacy, and the grief, loss, pain, and trauma that are creating obstacles for you to authentically do so. No small feat because, as we’ll learn, when you start to become truthfully aware of who you are and the harms you’ve caused, your world turns upside down.

  For mixed BI&PoC with white ancestry, you will likely find that your work is to address both your internalized oppression as well as your internalized dominance.

  No matter your race, ethnicity, or mixture, racial justice begins with a sobering soak in your own reflection and all that lies beneath. To awaken to the ways in which white supremacy is playing out in your day-to-day, the ways you contribute to its prevalence, and the hurt it is causing us all. Here’s the tea—racial justice starts with you and it starts within. There can be no genuine outer shift unless we get right with ourselves first—and racial justice requires a major collective upheaval. It necessitates an overhaul of every system we have ever known the world over. This is why I need you to tap into your heart space, connect to your righteous rage, and use it as fuel for systemic and collective change.

  I wrote this for every hue-mxn ready, able, and willing to do the hard, vital, and urgent inner work required to dismantle white supremacy. So let me be clear, this ain’t no cakewalk. Real talk. Learning about white supremacy and doing anti-racist work is work. This is not for those wishing to merely dip their toe. Oh no. Unpacking racism, oppression, and their impact is often triggering on a mental, spiritual, emotional, and at times physical level. Many elements of my story and teachings may flare up painful memories or traumas of your own. I cried a lot of tears writing this, and you are likely to shed tears reading it. Diving in takes courage, bravery, and resilience. You must acclimate your body to better withstand your discomfort and shower yourself in compassion so you have a hope in hell of bestowing that same compassion on others—particularly Black and Indigenous women+. When we come together to face oppression, we unearth potent personal and collective trauma. Moving through this book will be no different. It will expose your hurt, but my wish is that it will also inspire your hope. I am here to help you through and I do so from a space of deep love. For us all. Still, make no mistake—this is not a fluffy “love will change the world” manifesto. Love can change the world, but it is not a “send light and prayers” kinda love. The love needed to create radical racial justice includes daily, intentional, and informed action. On a global scale. It includes owning up to the emotional violence we have perpetuated on ourselves and others, both as individuals and as part of the collective, and most notably toward Black and Indigenous women+. It is a love embodied by truth and integrity. It runs the full spectrum of humxn emotions, including anger. Righteous rage has been a vital component in efforts to do better past and present. The collective shift racial justice demands requires this same fervor. I believe love and righteous anger are the precursors to the critical shift we desperately need to manifest in the world today. To doing better. Some call me the General of Loving Anger—you’ll soon find out why!

  I share my stories not to condemn the mistakes of others but to illuminate the ways we cause each other harm, often to those most oppressed. Harms that I too have inflicted as a perfectly imperfect person and oppressed oppressor. In these pages you will find carefully curated exercises to get into your body and enable you to better withstand the discomfort that inevitably arises as you partake in racial justice. I believe getting more comfortable with our discomfort first is the gateway to our collective salvation, to racial and social justice. It starts with compassionately connecting to yourself and filling up your soul so you can truly do the work and commit to collective change. A car can’t drive on empty, am I right? Every chapter ends with a spiritual offering to tend to your soul and/or a tangible call to action to support you in tending to your heart and better holding space for yourself and the collective, all while prioritizing the most marginalized. From guided meditations and breathwork to reflection and visual exercises, you’ll be armed with spiritual tools I’ve used time and again to support folx face their fears, confront challenges, and heal racial wounds. All of which is done in a culturally informed way, honoring the roots of the practices and the communities of color that cultivated them. Mindfulness and breathwork will serve as the pillars for returning to ourselves, navigating our discomfort, and actively doing better.

  Part I takes you on a deep dive within to understand and address oppression at the inner level, and in Part II, I share more of my story enduring white supremacy and guidance for taking much-needed outer action. My goal is for you to finish the last page feeling enlightened, empowered, and ready to act. We need you. Especially the white folx because y’all. Are. Late.

  WRITTEN TO, NOT FOR

  Though this book is meant to inspire healing and change for all humxns, this book is directed primarily to, though not for, white women+. I did not want to write a book to white women+ (truly!), but white women+ have caused me the most racial harm so I feel compelled to address my first book to them directly. Especially cis women. Still, this book is for errybody. Every-body. I write for Black and Indigenous women+ first and foremost. Every facet of my work is for us and our healing. This book is written to white women+, but it is for us. Our well-being, our humxnity, and our liberation.

  We are at a pivotal crossroads as a collective, one that has not been experienced since the civil rights movement of the 1960s. This is a global uprising. How we choose to harness the energy of the day—or not—will have lasting consequences on folx of all identities, worldwide, for centuries, perhaps lifetimes, to come. Especially in America. Though I am Canadian by birth, most of my immediate family lives in the United States. My grandfather was an indentured laborer in the States, and the impact of the violence he endured on American soil reverberates through my family’s very being—and mine. I write about American issues as a foreigner, but a foreigner with blood, skin, and sinew at stake.

  Around the world whiteness and white supremacy in all its forms cause BI&PoC harm every single day. Every hour. Every minute. Every second people are being hurt because of systems created by and for whiteness and the tangible, violent consequences of white supremacist ideology. And it is my duty, as assigned by Spirit, to help create a world where BI&PoC, being people of the global majority, and specifically Black and Indigenous women+, are no longer subjected to the racist, misogynist harms that I and so many others continue to endure. This is why I write, and the purpose of this book. Not to implore white people to recognize my or any other BI&PoC’s humxnity, because I refuse and would die in vain waiting. But rather to illustrate the impact of their choices on us all. To examine why white and white-passing people have chosen to perpetuate white supremacy and ignore its impact, and thus their impact, on BI&PoC in the first place. Uncovering such choices is a critical part of how the hell we all get free. This is a good time to point out to the white folx reading that you’re not going to like a lot of what I have to say. Not one bit. Your ego and white privilege will seethe. You’ll be inclined to label me angry—classic!—and wonder who the fuck I think I am to speak to you this way (I am my ancestors’ living legacy, for the record). You may feel I’m ruthless for spelling this out so publicly and unabashedly. It’s all status quo, so if you feel you need to stay there, by all means—do you. But for those of y’all who truly give a shit, I hope this will give you pause and help you become empowered to show up for myself and other Black and Indigenous women+ in an authentic, active
, and sustainable way.

  * * *

  By virtue of being oppressed themselves, white women+ have a deeper capacity to understand and empathize with the oppression faced by BI&PoC. Still, despite having the capacity, white women+, especially cis women, have mostly failed to use it. As oppressed people who oppress people, no one has caused me more harm in my life than white women+. The fragility and victimhood mixed with pervasive bypassing, defense mechanisms, and emotional violence makes for a special sauce of racist venom. And yes, women+ perpetuate patriarchy too. This book in no way lets men+ off the hook—they have a major role to play in all of this without question; but right now, I need to talk to the folx who are most ready to listen, and then I need them to do their damn work and collect their people. I am here to share with white women+ a truth about themselves that is causing everybody, but no one more than queer and trans Black and Indigenous women and femmes, immense pain. Because white women+ don’t know what they don’t know (or stay refusing to learn).

  BI&PoC, and the plethora of races, ethnicities, and experiences contained within and between us, have our work cut out for us as well. We must overcome centuries of systemic oppression, anti-Blackness, and colonization. Myself included. My objective is for BI&PoC to understand our specific roles in racial justice. I want us all to finally feel free, particularly Black and Indigenous women+. There is nowhere in the world where I as a Black woman can truly feel safe, and so until then I must write and I must write my absolute truth.

  INVITATION TO BRAVE SPACE

  I believe we are all limitless souls having a humxn experience and we all came to Earth at this exact time to learn, unlearn, and, ultimately, heal—ourselves and each other. I believe in the possibility for us to drop the old white supremacist scripts that have been holding us back and disconnecting us from ourselves and one another. And it is because of this belief that we can and must do better that I fight with so much fury. That I invoke Spiritual Activism and loving anger as my means of seeking and effecting change. That I tell it like it is, take no shit, and maintain wise compassion. It is how and why I channel my righteous rage into action and simultaneously recognize all of our struggles and humxnity, especially those who have been the most oppressed. In the quest for racial justice we all have work to do in different ways and to varying degrees. We all have shadows we need to illuminate and absolute truths we need to contend with, no one more than white folx. So, to the white folx joining me, welcome! I’m glad you’re here now, but let’s make no mistake, you are centuries late. For my fellow BI&PoC, especially Black and Indigenous women+, I acknowledge you, I affirm you, I honor you. Always and all ways.